Handbook for Parents

Child protection is a shared responsibility. While parents and caregivers play a primary role, the entire community can contribute to creating a safe environment for children. This blog explores how community involvement and support can help protect children and promote their wellbeing.

• 1.1 Sexual abuse 
  1. Sexual abuse occurs when a person forces a child to have any form of  sexual contact or makes a child perform sexual acts. Sexual abuse  may involve touching private parts (clothed or unclothed), forced  sexual acts between children or making a child view, read or  participate in pornography.  
• 1.2 Physical abuse 
  1. Physical abuse is harm or threats of harm to a child by a parent or  other adult. It is not an accident.  
• 1.3 Emotional abuse  
  1. Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that hurts the emotional  development or sense of self-worth of a child or youth (for example,  constant criticism, threats, or sarcasm; belittling, shaming, or  withholding love).  
• 1.4 Neglect 
  1. Neglect is when a caregiver fails to provide necessary care to a child  for reasons other than poverty (for example, food, shelter,  supervision, medical care, education, or emotional nurturing).  

For more information on types of child abuse and neglect, see the following: 

Child Welfare  Information Gateway publication: Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect (State statutes): 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/define/  

2.1 Our Multidisciplinary Team  

• Below is a list of people you may meet before, during, or after your visit  at TreeTop. Part of belonging in the multidisciplinary team is that  members must actively participate in case reviews and ensure that active  collaboration is occurring through every stage of the case. 

1. Law Enforcement: Police officers and detectives observe  interviews and interview suspects. People who are suspected to  have abused your child will be investigated.  
2. Child Protective Services worker: The Child Protective  Services worker helps protect your child and observes the  interview. He or she provides services and information to your  family to help meet your needs.  
3. Forensic interviewer: The forensic interviewer speaks with  children about abuse allegations. They receive specialized  training in neutral, semi-structured, child-led, and developmentally appropriate interview styles that are better  suited towards children with trauma while also maintaining  validity for court and other law-based settings.  
4. Medical provider: A medical provider may evaluate your child.  He or she has years of experience and special training in  examining children who may have been abused.  
5. Advocate: An advocate offers support to victims and their  families and helps with access to resources and understanding  different processes.  
6. Psychologist or therapist: Psychologists or therapists do  assessment and follow-up that focuses on your or your child’s  emotional response to what has happened. They help teach  families how to help their children heal. 
7. District attorney’s representative: A lawyer from the district  attorney’s office may observe the interview in order to determine whether charges can be filed.

2.2 The Investigation  

• • These are the basic steps of a child abuse investigation:  

1. Someone reports suspicion of abuse to authorities.  
2. The authorities respond and begin a preliminary investigation.  
3. If appropriate, a video-recorded interview is done with the child  at TreeTop Child Advocacy Center. A TreeTop staff member or  other trained interviewer from the community may do the  interview.  
4. If appropriate, a medical exam is done.  
5. A team of professionals will meet to talk about the case. They  decide what else needs to be done. Doctors, nurses, prosecutors,  police officers and social workers may be a part of the team.  
6. A police officer and/or Child Protective Services worker will  continue the assessment and investigation.  
7. The case may be referred to criminal court or children’s court.  Other plans also may be made to manage the case. 

• 2.3 The Medical Evaluation  

• • Just as doctors talk to patients when they are sick, a medical professional  will talk to your child about his or her medical history and any concerns  or worries. A physical exam is done in a gentle manner by a forensic  medical professional who has special training and experience examining  children for possible abuse.  
  • The exam for physical and sexual abuse or neglect begins as a regular  head-to-toe checkup. If sexual abuse is suspected, a more thorough  exam may be needed. If you have questions about what happens during  this exam, ask your TreeTop advocate.  
  • Most children who have been sexually abused, even with a history  of penetration, have normal exams. The team does not rely on the  exam alone to determine if abuse happened. This type of exam is done to  know that your child is ok, and all health concerns are met.  
  • Doctors and nurses who specialize in this field understand that many  children and teens have worries about the results of abuse to their  bodies, even if they can’t talk about them. The medical provider will  take the time to discuss this with them, which often can be the first step  in healing.  
  • Some families want their children to be examined by their family doctor.  Just as you shouldn’t go to a neurologist for help with a broken foot, you  shouldn’t go to a general doctor who doesn’t have the best training to  serve your child in cases of abuse. Most pediatricians and family  practitioners send their patients to a center with the expertise of the  Child Advocacy Center.  
  • Patients who see a medical provider will be billed through their medical  insurance. If you do not have insurance, or if the insurance company  does not pay all of the bill, there are other ways to manage the bill.  Please let an Advocate know if you need assistance managing this.

• 2.4 Mental Health Advocacy  

• • We acknowledge that everything you have experienced has put an  enormous toll on both you and your child. Often, it helps to have a  professional to speak with. Just as there are medical doctors trained to  work with children who have encountered abuse, mental health  professionals will specialize in certain areas. One such area is trauma  reduction and child abuse.  
  • Your TreeTop Advocate will ask you about your interest in these types of  mental health services. This service extends from your child to your  entire family. It is important that we care for the family as a whole;  seeing someone that we love encounter something difficult can be  traumatizing on its own. In order to help your child as much as possible,  he/she needs to have a stable unit, which can be greatly benefited by  mental health services.  
  • If you decide now or at a later date (no matter how long it has been since  your initial encounter with TreeTop) that you would like these services,  please let us know. We can connect you with someone who is specially  trained to deal with cases of abuse and trauma reduction.  
  • Just like medical referrals, patients who see a mental health provider will  be billed through their medical insurance. If you do not have insurance,  or if the insurance company does not pay all of the bill, there are other  ways to manage the bill. Please let an Advocate know if you need  assistance managing this. 

• 3.1 What is a Forensic Interview?  

• • Forensic interviews are child-led, semi-structured, and developmentally  appropriate conversations between a child and a trained interviewer that  have the purpose of collecting legally sound evidence while also limiting  the amount of trauma that a child has to go through.  
  • As opposed to a traditional interview process where an officer or other  professional may first ask direct/leading questions such as the following:
    • What color shirt was she wearing?  
      • A forensic interviewer may first ask your child:  
      • Can you tell me about what you saw?  
  • From here, they will work through the details at the child’s pace and  repeat back what the child says to ensure accuracy and avoid suggestion.  
  • Interviewers receive 56 hours of specialized initial training provided by  the Colorado’s Children Alliance via a curriculum approved by the  National Children’s Alliance. They also participate in on-going  education in the field of child maltreatment and forensic interviewing. 

• 3.2 Questions You May Have  

• • Q: What’s different about this interview process? 
    • A: As opposed to a traditional interview that may be conducted by a law  enforcement professional in a more rigid setting, forensic interviews are  designed to be neutral, semi-structured, and child led. This means that  the interviewer will use open-ended and developmentally appropriate  questions while speaking with your child. Interviews take place in a  comfortable and relaxing room so that your child feels as safe as possible  throughout the entire process. The entire interview is recorded in order  to reduce the number of times your child has to repeat their disclosure.   
  • Q: Is my child required to participate in this interview? 
    • A: Your child’s participation in the interview is completely voluntary.  That being said, law enforcement and/or the Department of Human  Services has an obligation to investigate any claim and may investigate  regardless of whether an interview takes place. The interview serves as  an important piece of evidence that can be used to aid the investigation.  
  • Q: Who will be watching the interview?  
    • A: While your child is in the interview room, a multidisciplinary team  will be in a conference room nearby watching a live feed. This team is  generally made up of representatives from law enforcement,  prosecution, the Department of Human Services, and victim advocates,  although the exact people there will depend on the circumstances of the  case. Upon your arrival, we will let you know who all is watching. They  are there to assist the forensic interviewer and answer any questions  that you may have.  
  • Q: Why can’t I watch the interview?  
    • A: Children are less likely to be completely honest if they know that  their caregivers are watching. They will want to protect you from the  truth, and they may be embarrassed. We need you to be in the best state  possible when the child leaves TreeTop so that you can support your  him/her. If you watch the interview, it could be very upsetting, leaving  little opportunity to emotionally provide for your child. 
  • Q: How long will the interview take?  
    • A: The interview will take place just as long as your child needs and  wants it to. If he/she at any point no longer wants to proceed, the  interview will end. If he/she has more they would like to say or needs  more time to fully explain, then the interview will take longer. While  there is no set time to expect, we recommend you set aside a minimum  of two hours for the interview and any questions you may have for the  team.  
  • Q: Who will have access to the interview? 
    • A: After being recorded, the interview becomes evidence and is property  of law enforcement. It will not be distributed nor shared with any party unrelated to the investigation.  
  • Q: Is there a cost associated with TreeTop’s services or the  interview?  

A: There is no cost for any of TreeTop’s services. For any referrals to  outside agencies that do have a cost associated with their services, we  can discuss payment options with you, including ways to manage the  bill.

• 3.3 Speaking with Your Child After the Interview  

• • After the day of the interview, the Advocate will reach out to the non offending caregiver in order to follow up about your child, ensure that  any desired services have been acquired, and answer any questions.  
  • Your child may ask questions or talk about the interview after you leave  the center. 
  • Here are some things you can say that will help your child:  
  • “I believe you.”  
  • “I know it’s not your fault.”  
  • “I’m glad I know about it.”  
  • “I’m sorry this happened to you.”  
  • “I’m not sure what will happen next.”  
  • “Nothing about you made this happen.”  
  • “It has happened to other children, too.”  
  • “I am upset, but not with you.”  
  • “I’m sad. You may see me cry. That’s all right. I will be able to take care of  you.”  
  • “I’m not mad at you.”  
  • “I don’t know why he or she did it. He or she has a problem.” 
  • “You still can love someone but hate what he or she did to you.”  

• Be careful not to question your child about the interview or abuse.  If you do, you can jeopardize the case in court against the person  suspected of the abuse. Here are some things to keep in mind after you  leave the center:  
  • If your child wants to talk about it, just listen. Do not probe. 
  • Try to return to a normal routine as soon as possible. 
  • Keep your child away from the person suspected of the abuse. This is to  protect you, your child, and the suspect.  
  • Avoid talking about the case with other victims or their families.  • Provide your child with an extra sense of physical security. Stay close  and assure your child you will keep him or her safe.  
  • Do not tell your child that it is all done when the interview is over. It is  possible that your child will be interviewed again or asked to talk in  court. The professionals involved in your child’s case can help you talk  with your child about going to court if needed.  

The staff at TreeTop is available to help you with any questions and/or  concerns you may have.

4.1 Working with the Legal System 

The legal system protects children by holding offenders accountable.  The more facts and cooperation you give to the team, the better job they  can do on your case.  

Here are some basic tips to keep in mind as you interact with the legal  system:  

• When you are asked for information, try to give as many facts as  you can. Don’t try to guess if you don’t know the answer to a question –  it is better to say you don’t know.  
• Always be honest, even though the truth may not seem favorable  to you or to others. In the long run, you will be much better off.  • Cooperate. You might feel the team at TreeTop is prying into your  personal life. It is necessary and vital to the case and to your child’s  welfare that we receive this information. The sooner the facts come out,  the sooner the case can be resolved, and you can return to a more  normal life.  
• You may feel the team does not care because they avoid showing  emotions. In fact, the team does care, and part of the caring involves  remaining objective and calm in the face of extremely emotional  situations.  
• If you have questions, ask them. Many things will be happening at  once, and a lot of information will be presented to you. Feel free to stop  any of the team members and ask them questions about anything you  don’t understand. If you think of other questions after your  appointment, call TreeTop.

4.2 Limitations of the Legal System 

• The well-being of your child should be your top priority. Don’t lose  yourself in the legal system because it is only one step in the process. It  is not essential to your child’s recovery. The best advice is to enter the  legal system without expectations, because the more you expect  from it, the harder the experience is likely to be. Celebrate when the  legal process is over. No matter what the outcome, tell the child it is  over. You and your child did your best, told the truth, worked hard, and  put in a lot of time. 

4.3 How to Tell Your Child About the Outcome  

• It is best to be honest and direct with your child. How you talk about the  outcome depends on your child’s age and what he or she can  understand. The most important thing is to let your child know that  you are proud of him or her.  
• When the case is complete, you may feel let down or have a period of  sadness. If your child hears you express this, he or she may think you are  disappointed in him or her. Instead, find a supportive person with whom  you can share your feelings and frustration.  
• Remember that you have done your best in trying to prevent further  abuse and hold the offender responsible for what he or she did. Even if  the case was dropped, this is a major accomplishment.  
• Sometimes, even though everyone does their job really well, there may  not be enough evidence to prosecute the abuser. 

Here are some things to  say to your child in that situation:  

• “Just because they didn’t find ______ guilty, that doesn’t mean they  didn’t believe you. It’s just that they have to follow the court’s rules.”  • “You may be wondering how someone can do something wrong or  against the law and not be punished. It doesn’t make sense to me  either.”  
• “It doesn’t matter what the court process did. What matters is that you  did what you needed to – you told.”  
• “You are safe. You have been very brave.”

5.1 How to Respond to Your Child 

• The first thing is to acknowledge how much good you have already done.  Just being here for your child and accompanying them to TreeTop is the  right thing to do, and your child will notice this support from you. This  all may seem overwhelming right now, but your team members are here  to support you. Call a TreeTop staff member with any questions or for  further assistance at any time.  
• The single most important factor affecting a child’s recovery is the  level of support from parents or caregivers. Children who have  experienced traumatic events need to feel safe and loved. All parents  want to provide this sort of nurturing environment for their child.  However, when parents do not understand the effects of trauma, they  may misinterpret their child’s behavior and wind up feeling frustrated or  resentful. This is understandable, but it is important to know how to  address a child’s behaviors so that it isn’t done so in an ineffective or, in  some cases, even harmful manner. 
• The following table contains reactions your child may have and things  you can do to respond to the reactions. All of them are normal and  understandable reactions to abuse. These are some general responses. A  therapist will help you deal with these behaviors more specifically.  

5.2 Tips for Supporting Your Child  

• Identify trauma triggers. Something you are doing or saying,  or something harmless in your home, may be triggering your  child without either of you realizing it. It is important to watch  for patterns of behavior and reactions that do not seem to “fit”  the situation. What distracts your child, makes him or her  anxious, or results in a tantrum or outburst? Help your child  avoid situations that trigger traumatic memories, at least until  more healing has occurred.  
• Be emotionally and physically available. Some traumatized  children act in ways that keep adults at a distance (whether they  mean to or not). Provide attention, comfort, and encouragement  in ways your child will accept. Younger children may want extra  hugs or cuddling; for older youth, this might just mean spending  time together as a family. Follow their lead and be patient if  children seem needy.  
• Respond, don’t react. Your reactions may trigger a child or  youth who is already feeling overwhelmed (some children are  even uncomfortable being looked at directly for too long). When  your child is upset, do what you can to keep calm: Lower your  voice, acknowledge your child’s feelings, and be reassuring and  honest.  
• Avoid physical punishment. This may make an abused child’s  stress or feeling of panic even worse. Parents need to set  reasonable and consistent limits and expectations and use  praise for desirable behaviors.  
• Don’t take behavior personally. Allow the child to feel his or  her feelings without judgment. Help him or her find words and  other acceptable ways of expressing feelings and offer praise  when there are used.  
• Listen. Don’t avoid difficult topics or uncomfortable  conversations (but don’t force children to talk before they are  ready). Let children know that it’s normal to have many feelings  after a traumatic experience. Take their reactions seriously,  correct any misinformation about the traumatic event, and  reassure them that what happened was not their fault.  
• Help your child learn to relax. Encourage your child to  practice slow breathing, listen to calming music, or say positive  things (“I am safe now”). 
• Be consistent and predictable. Develop a regular routine for  meals, play time, and bedtime. Prepare your child in advance for  changes or new experiences.  
• Be patient. Everyone heals differently from trauma, and trust  does not develop overnight. Respecting each child’s own course  of recovery is important.  
• Allow some control. Reasonable, age-appropriate choices  encourage a child or youth’s sense of having control of his or her  own life.  
• Encourage self-esteem. Positive experiences can help children  recover from trauma and increase resilience. 
• Examples include  mastering a new skill; feeling a sense of belonging to a community, group, or cause; setting and achieving goals; and  being of service to others.  
  • Reference: Child Welfare Information Gateway: https://childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child trauma 

6.1 What to Say to Others  

• One challenge your family will have to face will be what to say to others  about the abuse. Your child may feel embarrassed or responsible for the  abuse. If there is no publicity or public awareness, you can decide whom  you will tell. Let your child know which relatives or friends you will talk  to. Allow your child to have some choice about who is told.  
• Sometimes an extended family member is the first person to learn of the  abuse. You may feel hurt that someone knew before you. However,  understand that your child may have been trying to protect your feelings  by telling someone else. Your child may have felt that the person could  tell you in a less upsetting way than he or she could.  
• If you are especially close with your family, you may want to talk with  them about your child’s abuse and how it has affected them. It is  important to keep in mind how these relatives usually react to stress.  Their reactions may include hysteria, horror, rejection, sincere concern,  embarrassment, disgust, disinterest or more questioning for intimate  details. These reactions may be even stronger if the offender is a family  member. If you know they will react in a negative way, you may not want  to share the information with them unless it becomes necessary. It is  important to keep your child’s sense of privacy. 

6.2 Comments You Might Expect from Others About the Abuse

• “What exactly did he or she do to your child?”  
• “Are you sure your child didn’t make it up?”  
• “Why didn’t you know it was happening?”  
• “If it were my child, I’d just move away.”  
• “Your poor child must be feeling really guilty.”  

Remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. “I’d rather not talk  about it” is a good response. Or simply say, “It has been a very difficult  time for all of us. I appreciate your concern.” Or it may be easier to just  nod as an acknowledgment of what someone says.  

Keep in mind that most people don’t know much about abuse. For  example, in response to comments about your child feeling guilty, you could say that children always feel guilty in these cases until they’re  assured that they are not responsible for what happened. As a parent,  you also might be experiencing some guilt. You may feel defensive. In  that case, a good response is, “Parents do their best, but we’re only  human.”  

Adults are the people most likely to say something to your child. You  may want to tell your child that if someone says, “I’m sorry about what  happened to you,” they should respond with a simple, “Thank you.” Let  your child know that he or she doesn’t have to respond to any comments  or questions. He or she could say, “My parents told me not to talk about it  right now.”  

Reference: When Your Child Has Been Molested, by Kathryn B. Hagan 

7.1 How Parents Sometimes Feel When Abuse Has Been Reported  

When abuse has been reported, parents sometimes feel as if they are on  a rollercoaster of emotions.  

This is normal. The report can affect your life in many ways, and it takes  time to adjust. You may experience some of these thoughts and feelings  as you cope with your child’s abuse:  

• Denial  
  • Your first reaction may be not to believe or accept that your child has  been abused. Or, you may believe it happened, but that no real harm was  done. Parents often deny abuse because it is too overwhelming. It is very  hard to accept that abuse occurred. There will be aftereffects for both  the parent and child. For some people, it takes time to face it.  
• Anger  
  • At times, you may feel angry with yourself for not protecting your child.  You may feel angry with the person suspected of abusing your child for  what was done. You may feel angry with your child. Be honest about  your feelings and share them with a trusted adult, counselor, or support  group.  
• Helplessness  
  • You probably do not know what to expect and you feel that things are  out of your control. Some parents fear that their children will be taken  away. Try to learn about how cases go through the legal system.  
• Lack of assertiveness  
• You may feel small and think there is nothing you can do to help the  situation get better. TreeTop Center staff members will help you learn  what you can do to heal and help your child.  
• Shock, numbness, repulsion  
• You may have memories of being abused as a child, which may lead to  feelings of shock, numbness, and repulsion as it relates to your child’s  situation. If so, you may need to seek therapy for yourself to recover  from the abuse.  
• Guilt, self-blame  
• You may feel your child’s abuse is your fault. Remember that the alleged  offender is responsible for the abuse – not you. The best thing you can  do now is support your child. Learn all you can about how to make  things better. Reading this handbook is a good first step.  
• Hurt and betrayal  
• It is normal to feel hurt. You also may have lost a spouse or partner if  that person is suspected of the abuse. You also may have lost friends. It  is very important to take the time to grieve these losses.  
• Concern for money  
• You may be worried about finances because of lost income. There are  programs that may be able to help you. Don’t be afraid to talk to the  people who gave you this book about what help may be there for you.  
• Fear of violence  
• You may fear the offender will try to harm you or your children. If so,  there are resources such as domestic violence shelters with professionals  who can help. If this is a concern, please talk to the people who gave you  this book.  
• Fear of drug or alcohol abuse  
• You may be afraid that you or the alleged offender will abuse drugs or  alcohol because of the stress, or that one of you may have a relapse to an  old addiction. If you need help, find a recovery center, or ask for help to  find one.

7.2 Taking Care of Yourself  

• You are going through a very difficult time, and while we understand  that much of your time and attention has been on your child, it is  important not to forget about taking care of yourself. Your well-being is  very important. You need to find time to do something just for you – and  plan to do it regularly. This may be difficult, but it is in your best interest  and your child’s best interest! They can only do as well as you are doing.  

• Scheduling your own time and space will help you gain or regain a sense  of your own identity. Take time to take care of yourself. 
  

• Although this happened to your child, it also happened to your family. It  is important that all members of the family are taken care of as part of  the healing process. Recognize that your needs are also important. You  have done so much so far and have been such a supportive figure in your  child’s life. You can only continue this role if you have the energy and  support to do so. This has been incredibly hard, but you’ve already done  so much. Keep going, and don’t hesitate to ask for help along the way.